Friday, November 20, 2009

Gone Home Sick

My mother looked at me across the kitchen counter in her home in Oklahoma. “You are flying home tomorrow, don’t forget,” she said in mock serious tones.

“Oh right, I can’t wait to see you,” I replied with similar gravity. “There is one hitch,” I continued with our ruse, “how am I supposed to fly home when I am already here?”

I was supposed to be packing my bags right now to leave for Thanksgiving Break tomorrow afternoon. However, life had different plans. About a month ago, I got sick…very sick. I have somehow royally angered the sickness gods, because I have still not recovered, or shown many signs of progress. To top it all off, we have no idea what is wrong with me, and no clue as to when I will get better. So, I returned home a week ago to recover (hence the delay in posts; sorry about that).

This is one of those situations that my “how to survive college” books and orientations meetings (yes, I actually paid attention to those—I know I am a nerd) did not guide me through. Like all real-life situations, I have been forced to learn a few things.

1) Email your professors—incessantly. From the moment you first wake up feeling like you have been hit by a train to the time when the last traces of the sniffles are a distant memory, give them updates on your status and limitations. I am not exaggerating when I say that you should tell them about every cough, doctor’s appointment, and missed lecture. They need you to document your condition so they can help you recover your semester when you recover your health. If you mysteriously disappear in the middle of semester without any communications, they will either assume that you have become a practitioner of “skis and c’s” or will file a missing person’s report on you. Either will leave a large, persistent headache waiting to welcome you back with open arms.

2) Get doctors to sign off on everything. It is hard to argue with a doctor’s note saying you are too sick to go to class. And this could come in handy if you are forced to withdraw for a semester, or if you are sick for long enough to need extra help catching up in your classes.

3) Don’t be a hermit. For the first two-and-a-half weeks, I tried to tough out my illness on my own. This was probably the single stupidest thing I have ever done. Once my parent’s found out that I had told no one of my condition and berated me for my foolishness, I decided that instead spending the next seventeen days spent locked in my closet sized dorm room eating only canned soup and toast, I would start to ask for help. On the bright side, eating only canned soup nipped that freshman fifteen problem right in the butt. But, losing fifteen pounds because you are too weak to get out of bed and feed yourself and are too stubborn to ask for help is not what I would call ideal. Once I told people that I was ill, I have received a rather overwhelming number of offers of help and concern. The day when my friend Bianca charged into my room, breaking a three day streak of almost complete isolation, and announced that she was going to hang out with me for a few hours and would not be catching what I have (The only explanation of that assurance was her bark of “mind over matter.”) may well have been the happiest moment of my life.

After I saw sense and started communicating with others about my situation, my standard of living has dramatically improved. My professors have all assured me that they are more than willing to help me in any way they can to recover my semester. Both of my bosses pardoned any work or deadline I had to meet. My mom came and took care of me for a few days, then took me home to my nice big bed, kitchen, and puppy dog! Even my doctor at Wardenburg has been wonderfully helpful, writing notes to my teachers, copying my lab results for me, and even calling every day to check in on how I am doing.

I don't know when I will get better (I admit I was a very disappointed that I did not recover immediately upon returning home; I had secretly hoped it was just an acute case of homesickness). For now, all I can do is try my best to enjoy my forced vacation, and try not to stress about the semesters to come. As all of my teacher and friends have told me, right now I need to “focus on getting better.”

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Please Save Me From My Dad's Tofurky!


As you know, Thanksgiving is just around the corner. I am lucky enough to be celebrating the holiday with my family this year. But, like all time spent with family, this comes with a catch. This will be my first Thanksgiving as a vegetarian and my dad has some peculiar attachment to feeding me meat substitutes. Now, I have nothing against tofu or tempe, but really there is only so much fake meat a person can take. I am to the point where I would very much like to beat him senseless with one of his soy sausages. But, I know that he is well intentioned, so do you have any suggestions for a protein-rich Thanksgiving dish (with no soy-based meaty mystery substances) that I can tactfully recommend instead? Please?

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Naked Pumpkin Run Divides Boulder!

(Due to adult content, there will be no picture accompanying this post. Viewer discretion advised.)

Boulder’s latest scandal has made national news, or at least the top stories in the Wall Street Journal http://online.wsj.com/article/SB125693458626119361.html

(I read it sometimes because they give it to me for free in the Business School—see mom, having things “just handed to you” can teach me important things). Every year the residents of Boulder, including many CU students, partake in a very Boulder-like tradition called the Naked Pumpkin Run. I am sure you will be shocked to find out that this run is exactly what it sounds like; runners strip down to their skins, place hollowed out pumpkins on their heads, and run down Pearl Street at an undisclosed hour on Halloween night (normally around midnight). For years, hordes of adoring fans have gathered in the city’s center street to cheer them on, while the police stand by a bit helplessly (this may be due to the fact that it is not actually illegal to run naked through the streets in Boulder, or maybe just a natural shyness about tackling and arresting naked people).

This year, that has changed…

It seems that the chief of police is trying to crack down on these nudist runners—much to the shock and dismay of Boulder citizens. As the Wall Street Journal put it, “the city has had a long, proud history of nudity.” Yet, this Halloween, the police deployed forty officers and two SWAT teams to patrol the three-block area, under orders to arrest any naked runners as sex offenders (Aren’t SWAT teams normally used in emergencies like hostage situations and terrorist attacks? I somehow doubt that a throng of naked runners qualifies as a national emergency.) Residents fear that the police action will tarnish Boulder’s reputation as a city over-run with crazy, upper-class hippies. Even the mayor is against the police’s crack down.

It now seems like Boulder is splitting at the seams. With public officials picking sides I would like to know what you all think. Have the police gone too far? Or is this Boulder rite of passage a little too strange for civilized society? I personally am a fan of the run, but my word is not law (sadly) and the debate rages on in Boulder. Hapa Restaurant found the silver lining to this situation and are raking in the publicity for their brilliant ad campaign—giving out free orange underwear with “Run Responsibly” printed on the back (http://www.dailycamera.com/archivesearch/ci_13661322). But many runners refused the free gift, bearing it all to let Boulder be, well, Boulder.